He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
