i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
