She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
