I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
