hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
