Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
