Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
