You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Actions speak louder than pants.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
