I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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