When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
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He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
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Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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