i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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