my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize