So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
