I love black thongs
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
