Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"