Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I see more hoeing in ur future
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