where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
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I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
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If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess