I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
