He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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