I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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