ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
