Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
