We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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