he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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