i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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