Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
