I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
