she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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