oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
