Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
