my phone needs a breathalizer
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
