woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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