can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
