My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize