I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The best revenge is premature balding
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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