I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
