This is not my ceiling
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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