New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
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I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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