Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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