I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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