Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
