rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
