Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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