Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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