Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
