I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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