May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
