so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize