we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
