belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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