i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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