She is in my trunk
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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