people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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