Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
