I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All I want is dick and wine.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize