im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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