Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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