you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
