I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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