Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
