it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
