wat bout pragnant strippers??
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
